Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
