im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
North Korea, Best Korea!
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think your dad took our porno
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
