How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
