It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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