She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
