Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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