I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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