We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
