I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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