Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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