I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
