I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
