u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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