I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
