i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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