i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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