Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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