Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
