i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
