no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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