the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
