So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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