I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
