I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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