Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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