plz talk dirty to me
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
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Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
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Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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