What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
