I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
