I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
