my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
