I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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