The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
