Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
