i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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