it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
