3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
