But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
