god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
