My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
