Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize