4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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