She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He felt like a one man threesome
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
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well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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