The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
