so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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