i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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