I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My vagina just recognized that song.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
