hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
