We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
