Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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