Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
