There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Michael Bay diarrhea
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
