I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
