So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
