sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
