Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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