Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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