Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize