i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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