It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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