I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
