Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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