Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
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