Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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