I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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