i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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