you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
