cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
