you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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