wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
