She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
