The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
