I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
