he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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