I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
