is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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